if you like me you must not know who I am
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
