think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
