Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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