Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
