shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
