1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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