I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My vagina just recognized that song.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
