I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
