nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
