i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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