The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
