and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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