So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up