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Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
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