you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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