The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard