I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.