just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.