Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful