Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Just fell off a train. Bad.

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  (512): Just fell off a train. Bad. http://tfl.nu/32cv
  Replies (3) Good night (875) Bad night (1229)
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  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.

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  (949): I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me. http://tfl.nu/kgtm
  Replies (19) Good night (672) Bad night (2290)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.

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  (207): Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete. http://tfl.nu/jsd4
  Replies (21) Good night (3539) Bad night (522)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?

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  (561): How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible? http://tfl.nu/fu3i
  Replies (101) Good night (928) Bad night (4542)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year

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  (732): I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year http://tfl.nu/jq5i
  Replies (23) Good night (6025) Bad night (1238)
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  (818): View more from California

  You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.

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  (818): You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato. http://tfl.nu/nu5y
  Replies (4) Good night (1353) Bad night (1194)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.

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  (973): I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/b0w0
  Replies (4) Good night (2521) Bad night (1262)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"

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  (630): Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later" http://tfl.nu/rgop
  Replies (3) Good night (1947) Bad night (773)
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  (415): View more from California

  When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?

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  (415): When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you? http://tfl.nu/fdu7
  Replies (20) Good night (992) Bad night (2012)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.

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  (720): I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom. http://tfl.nu/lin9
  Replies (4) Good night (537) Bad night (1722)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.

  (707): View more from California

  *roof

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  (916): 1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor. (707): *roof http://tfl.nu/ph25
  Replies (6) Good night (1822) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?

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  (317): Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I? http://tfl.nu/gm7j
  Replies (14) Good night (1762) Bad night (1117)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.

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  (316): You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger. http://tfl.nu/ic08
  Replies (4) Good night (530) Bad night (1153)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.

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  (603): Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me. http://tfl.nu/xrxi
  Replies (2) Good night (388) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls

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  (818): xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls http://tfl.nu/ri3j
  Replies (1) Good night (469) Bad night (282)

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