Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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