i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
