Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.