i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is