My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman