in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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