i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
