They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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