I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
