So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
