Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Still dying that you shit outside
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
