ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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