Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
