Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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