Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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