just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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