I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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