if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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