I seem to have left my pride at pride
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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