Cold hands, warm shart.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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