you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
