i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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