you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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