Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
