I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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