you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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