drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A+ Viking dick
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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