As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
