i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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