Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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