Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
