you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
