We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
