WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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