ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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