cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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