:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
