All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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