I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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