Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
