I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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