I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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