I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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