I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
