my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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