I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
love makes seman taste better
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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