I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
