You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
