I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
