I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
