Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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