You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
