Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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