this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
