Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
