I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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