I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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