My hand turned me down
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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