Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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