We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
