As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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