i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
