There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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