i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
