I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
