You can't special order awesome
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
