...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
